A Day in Heaven

“They’re at it again,” chuckled Suyodhana.
“At what again?” Yudhistira lifted his eyes from the book he was reading.
“Discussing us,” Suyodhana smirked. “And they’ve decided I’m the good guy.”
Bheema gave him an once over, “I can see what they mean. You do look good.”
“Er… I don’t think that’s what they meant,” said Arjuna with a grin.
“I know what they meant,” said Bheema, “I was just adding my own perspective.”
“I wish they would just make up their minds,” said Vasusena, looking over Suyodhana’s shoulder.
“I think this time they have,” Suyodhana chuckled, “You’re a monster now,” he said to Bheema. “And I’d better not mention the language they are using about you,” he said to Yudhistira.
Yudhistira put the book down and covered his face with his hands, “Remind me again what exactly I am supposed to have done, to earn all this- encomiums?”
“You staked your kingdom, your brothers and your wife,” Vasusena said promptly.
“When did I do all this?” Asked Yudhistira in a long suffering tone that made Arjuna snicker.
“Beats me,” grinned Suyodhana. “Must be the day we played that game in the garden.”
“I’m pretty sure I didn’t have a kingdom or a wife to stake then. And how could I stake my brothers when I have an older brother? Besides, I’m pretty sure you’re the one who lost that game,”
“That was the day you made me steal grandfather’s clothes while he was bathing, wasn’t it?” Asked Suyodhana. “I warned you there would be repercussions!”
“That’s because you went and stole grandfather Vyasa’s clothes instead of grandfather Bheeshma’s clothes, you moron!” Bellowed Yudhistira.
“Well, how was I to know who you meant?” Said Suyodhana in an aggrieved tone. “They were both our grandfathers, weren’t they?”
“Someone kill me!” Groaned Yudhistira.
“You’re already dead,” said Bheema helpfully, while Arjuna and Vasusena caught each other’s eyes and turned their faces away, trying to stifle their laughter.
“And who is this Krishna they keep talking about?” Demanded Suyodhana. “And this Draupadi?”
“Grandpa Vyasa’s real name is Krishna,” said Arjuna. “And this Draupadi is also called Krishna. God, he loved his own name, didn’t he?”
“I still don’t know why he gave me a hundred brothers.” Said Suyodhana. “I mean, how is that even possible?”
“The same way he gave us two extra brothers?” Suggested Yudhistira.
“A hundred and two are not the same, I only had one brother and grandpa turned him into a traitor!”
“I will have you know I object to that portrayal,” Yuyutsu from the corner where he was engaged in a game of chess with himself. “Why did he even portray me? I mean, first he made me illegitimate, then he made me a traitor!”
“Well, you’re the one who locked him inside the bathhouse, that day,” said Suyodhana.
“What about me?” Asked Bheema. “He made me into some kind of amoral person, a real monster.”
“If you hadn’t laughed that loud, the guards wouldn’t have noticed him sneaking into his room, naked.” Said Vasusena, grinning.
“That was your fault! It was dark! Even I wouldn’t have seen him if you hadn’t lit up the whole damn corridor with that arrow of yours!”
“He got his revenge on me too,” muttered Vasusena. “And now we have posterity arguing about us,”
“You know, I have serious reservations about these people,” said Suyodhana. “Surely, someone ought to realize the implausibility of half the things he wrote!”
“Well, to be fair, he made it sound realistic,” said Yuyutsu grudgingly. “He always had a way with words,”
“Let them argue over his stupid work,” said Yudhistira, as he picked up his book again. “Aren’t they gonna look foolish when they realize what actually happened!”
“We could lock them up with the rest of the poor souls who went insane on learning the truth.” Said Arjuna comfortingly.
“You know, I never even knew souls could go insane,” said Bheema.
“Whatever, he made us famous,” said Suyodhana. “I mean, if he hadn’t made up all that stuff about us, no one would even have known about us.”
“Price of fame,” muttered Yudhistira. “I would have preferred to be obscure.”
“Shall we have another game?” Asked Suyodhana. “Loser to go down on earth and steal all of grandpa Vyasa’s clothes? After all, we’re all dead. What can he do to us now?”
A gleam came to Yudhistira’s eyes. “Steal his clothes, his car keys, cell phone, wallet and laptop!”
Suyodhana grinned. “We have a game!”

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